you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
