Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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