Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
