Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
