I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
