perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
