update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
