The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
