I love having hate sex.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
