So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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