someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
