She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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