you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Randomize
