well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When are your genitals available?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
