it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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