Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I woke up under a house in Key West
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
