I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Randomize
