I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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