I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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