my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
