Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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