is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
