Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
