Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
