His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize