..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm always down for nudity.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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