He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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