Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
