Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
