Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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