Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
