and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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