There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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