DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
