Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
