I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize