Your mouth is God's brothel.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
