he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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