The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
