i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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