That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
