that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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