There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
