What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize