this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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