WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
