i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
