youre lurking in front of me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
