you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We got so high we made milksteak
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
