Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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