Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
