First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
