I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
