I skipped work to stalk him.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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