Will you blow on my dice?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
