I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
