people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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