do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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