My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
