So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
