The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
