What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
