everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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