It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
