Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
